I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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