a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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