Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
