dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Boobs are out for the taking
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
