he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
