I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
