If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
