Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
