ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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