I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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