fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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