Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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