So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
