I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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