someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
