You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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