I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
