why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
