I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
