Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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