community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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