I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
