That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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