does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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