I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
