He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize