You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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