I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
