If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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