I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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