i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
