All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
