you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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