Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My dick has a subreddit
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
