Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My feet surprised me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
