I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
