I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
