those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
