You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Operation Purity has been aborted
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
