Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
