I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
