If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
