it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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