Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
