brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
