i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
