At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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