new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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