You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
