if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
