for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So vagazzling was a success
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
