So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
