can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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