I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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