i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
