I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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