I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
