you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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