wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
