Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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