hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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