Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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