Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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