This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
