My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
