I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
