I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
