i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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