I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
