so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
