I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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