I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
