Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need a beard to bite.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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