Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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