remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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