your parents love me but you hate me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
